TW !!! i tried to kill myself an hour ago because of my friends

i dont even know why at this point, this may seem choppy but im tieed so plz excuese me for the bad grammar. we where suppoosed to hangout and they  stood my up, agian. i coudnt take it it ig just all the feelings of feeling alone caught up to me and i just cracked. i was lying on the floor i remmeber beofre that i saw photos of them at the carncival with other ppl when we where supoosed to be hanging out, but instead i was having the worst depressive episode of my life.  i mean im not diagnosed with anything so idk what it was but ill call it an episode ig idk im tired. i feel so alone. annd htye knew we where supoosed to be hanging out we talked about it, they said there phone dided but still you knew. thats all i rmeber, just laying in my cosest saying you knew while crying, at some point i ended up on my floor looking under my bed for my medication, this medication is very stronge being its brain medication, there was only a few left so i just took all of the,. i was calm. i walked back into my closet, got comfortable, i went on my phone and apologized to them. i just sat there on tiktok knowing that i may die any miniyte now, my stomache hurt, everythhing was foggy i was shaking i was tired. i just sat their mindlessly scrolling. i think at some point i wetn off my phne and layed down, i thinl. i heard a notfication and it was my friend, a different friend. he wasnt aware of my situatuion he was just talking to me, we talked about my friend but not the fact i was usicidale, he didnt know. he said a friend like that shouldnt be considered a friend, we talked for a bit and he went off to sleep. after that i remmber i cried a little, tiktok, cried, tiktok, cried now im here. the tihng is when i tried killing myslef i was calm, i wasnt scared like last time, will, last time i was, but before that i was scared. i dont know whats wrongwith me, have i rlly lost it that i just dont care, i was comfortable and calm, even though i could tell i may be fyning i just layed there on tikto teary eyed but still, calm. and  now all i can do is  wrte here, idk what im feeling. my brain is empty. i dont feel. i want to go away somwhere, i want to go to aplavce where its calm and im hpppy and i canr est. im so tired rn i want rest.