Blog entry 2# (Zilla)

It's been 3 days since the last time I added anything here, I thought nobody would really bat an eye on this lil space but to my surprise apparently I have like 111 views. I knew this whole retro website thing is pretty popular but I didn't expect this place to be THAT active. 

And I think it's nice, it kind of reminds me of when people feel insignificant and they assume they don't matter and all that, like I didn't think my account would matter at all, but the small things count you know? Even if they just clicked for like a 1-min looksie, they took their time of the day to enjoy your existence.

You are seen and people do notice you whether you realize it or not, therefore you exist and you matter.

I don't really have much to offer but if you enjoy my rambles and reading the shit I wrote then it's totally cool, you're welcome to stay and comment and what not,I always wanted to vlog but never really had anything interesting to vlog about and surprisingly awkward in front of the camera,maybe through here I'm able to shake some of that off and gain the confidence and the charisma to do the exact thing I'm doing here but only with a camera right up my face.

Things have been pretty okay lately, I don't know what's it like out there but here in my country we had an entire week off during Ramadhan. A lot of folks here celebrate that and they needed the time to go back to their families and to come together and do things together.

From what I heard this celebration's all about forgiving each other for their past mistakes, I had a lil bit of a drama going on with my friend group and during that time we were apologizing to each other for things that has happened. It doesn't really mean I'm able to put the past behind us completely, I'm still a lil butthurt over it but the celebratory or not, they took their time to give me big blocks of paragraphs of how things could have gone better if they didn't do or say certain things before and that they're sorry for not doing so, despite the fact that we still haven't reached any proper conclusion and some things were left unsaid, I felt that it's such a huge step up considering how terrible the way we reacted to each other's response over that certain situation, so I'm not exactly in the right either, so we apologized and for now things have been a more peaceful. 

Things like this happen when you're in a group full of different people with different sets of personalities, opinions, tastes, etc. But hey aren't all relationships, both romantic and platonic, are kind of like this? You fight, you argue, you choose whether you still want to keep it up or not depending on how much spark you have left with each other and if that spark outweighs the pain you have to go through. Personally I try my best to communicate about things as open as I can, some people would say I'm too blunt for my own good but sometimes I feel like brutal honesty gets the job done better. Also I'm just terrible at bottling things up now, I used to be so good at it cuz I used to be in a terrible environment but now that I feel safer to actually let out emotions and what not....it's really hard to stop I cry over pretty much everything and I don't know why :')

I hope future me that I hope will re-read all of this at least will understand why or if anyone has an opinion on it you're free to comment about it lol

Anyways other than those stuff above, I have other things in mind, I have like sets of things that I cycle through and obsess over, right now I'm back at my Red Dead Redemption phase AGAIN as I am typing this. Arthur Morgan will always be living rent free in my mind, I like making him bathe and dressing him up. I get (lightheartedly) made fun of cuz I'm treating him like my lil barbie doll. WELL I'M SORRY HE'S MY SWEET SWEET COWBOY HIMBO I CAN'T HELP IT *SOBS*.

I'm saving up to get Red Dead Online on Steam or something similar (a lot of games to) lmk what type of stuff you guys play I'd love to get to know everyone more :0

Zilla out <3