Oops

Skipped a birthday party, just havent been feeling good, but i never said anything about not coming and now i feel like shit and people are mad at me and its justified but also i kinda thought i was gonna off myself last night so now i cant say anything about it because then it will just be flipping the situation to be about me and make them feel guilty. I just dont know what to do anymore ive been stuck in this loop for years. I want to stop fucking inconveniencing people