Monster Quest (full story, directors cut)

Today I was without my necessity; crack, and I was looking for a good substitute. That is when I remembered the joys of Monster Energy drink. I immediately went to my counter and stole my mothers keys and a few dollars in change (I spent the rest of the money on crack, hence the change). I  then went to the nearest supplier of the holy drink; dollar general. 

Firstly I think I should give some background about the dollar general. The dollar general is a hotspot for crack, crackheads, and buttcrack (from the obese shoppers) and you have the fight through the hordes of homeless people just to get inside the dang store. One time I saw a girlscout get shanked by a bill cosby lookalike for trying to put her (((amazing))) cookies in the poor excuse of a store. Even the employees are awful, the place is a complete kakistocracy. You have the janitors giving some tweaker a "yoinky-sploinky" and the manager along with his girlfriend salsa dancing with literal salsa. 

I finally pulled up to the store, it took me a good 5 minutes to find a parking spot because there was some 'justin tweaker' concert, I dont really know his name but I think that is what they called it. I then made sure I wore my protective suit (made from scrap metal) and my suic*de-vest (I heard its really good for protection). The reason why I wore it was due to an uproar of shankings because the homeless populace needed more crack money for that tustin jweaker guy. I walk up and go in, first thing I notice is a group of Asian men yelling in either Cantonese or Korean whilst waving hundred dollar bills in their hands. I then noticed that they were betting on fighting fish (you know the small kind that you see at pet-stores) I walk through them and go to the drink section, I see that it is all sold out. I start foaming up the mouth realizing the closes thing to God himself has been stripped away from me. Thousands of ideas were running through my head on how to finally get revenge on the people who took away my luxuries. Just when I reached my limit, an angel appeared; an angel of hope. The angels name was "Now and Later: Extreme Sour Candy".

I needed it, I really needed it. I ran to the shelf and picked up every single gosh darn package of it. I ran out of the door without paying, I was in such bliss that I forgot I drove my moms car and I just started running home. I got home and I finally could have my new savior that would help me in times of need, i.e. crack withdrawal. 

I open the packet and BOOM.

ALL THE PIECES OF CANDY WERE PRE-WRAPPED.

WHAT KIND OF MAD MAN DOES THIS TO PEOPLE!??!?! I swear the evil group of people who made this candy are living proof that there is hell. I try unwrapping the candy but to no avail. I then resort to just eating the candy with the wrapper on and GUESS WHAT!?!?!? THE CANDY TASTE HORRIBLE.
As of right now I am fighting the urge to end it. I really cant believe this is actually real life.