I choose to do this, but why?

Everyone who guilts me out have doing what's best for myself and just ending it all, have never seen the true me. They have become attached to the fake hero who solves problems, the real me suffers underneath. The real me who's feelings of massive guilt for any other person's pain, prevents me from ending my own suffering. I just want someone to see the real me, just once, even though I know it will make them feel uneasy being around someone who hurts so much.