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I literally hate my life idk why but I do I know I shouldn't feel this because I have a good family or some would say good life or things I want but actually That's not true. Happiness too me is escaping this place or world I just want to be happy or just be less problematic. Life is SH!tty I hate myself I hate my life I hate this state and I hate this world. Everyone stereo types everything Just because I have nice shoes or whatever doesn't mean anything I'm dead depressed I don't want to D!e because I'm scared of death but I Want to d!e you know . I'm always anxious or worried about what people think of me man idk why I'm typing this I'm a terrible person I don't know what to do with my life or anything anymore i just ugh I cant breathe sometimes I just feel like but even Crying doesn't help.
Today I didn't go to school because I didn't feel mentally able to go and I didn't feel like I could push my self to act happy. My sister and I had a fight because she wouldn't leave me alone and shut up And i hit her Which I shouldn't have done but she put hand sanitizer in my eye and um I have a black Eye which sucks but ill be ok. I feel terrible because I don't want to hurt the people around me I wish I was a better person. I'm only alive because of my family I don't want to leave them hurt or behind I'm really insecure which people don't know But um yeah I have school tomorrow I'm probably just gonna stay up all night and think or just stay up and listen to music I don't know yet But I'm just so tired of everything I'm just drained. I feel like nobody care or just doesn't want to put up with me anymore. I'm just too much or Making peoples blood pressure go high. Forcing myself to stay up
Damn this is mad long but um a few months ago I didn't go to school for a month because I had a mental breakdown and was at my lowest and wanted to end my life but I didn't and i had therapy which was ok but it didn't help so I dropped out. I've been feeling somewhat happy or ok for the past few weeks until a few days ago I just feel like I cant breathe sometimes I just want to scream I hate everything um I know my friends are gonna see this I'm ok guys anyways back to my typing. My mind has been clouded a lot lately Damn what is wrong with me Really feeling like rue lol but um yeah that's it um maybe ill do another one of these tomorrow. - Dae signing out
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