life update #3 || mental health, games

//TW mental health and suicide

i thought about what im going to write in my suicide note, and who im going to write to. i was thinking maybe 3, 1 for my family, 1 for my bf and 1 for my best friend. but like im so lazy to actually write it. i wont kill myself, i keep telling myself that theres so much more to live for. but its getting harder and harder to wake up each day, i just feel so demotivated and sad. 

i just had coffee tho, so i'm feeling energetic.

ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, i played a placement match in valo today, and i opened SILVER!!! ik its still pretty low lol, but for someone whos been stuck in bronze ever since i started playing (a year ago probs) its a huge accomplishment for me. hope i wont derank lol.

i feel like i play better when i drink coffee. it just makes me more alert and not tired? if that makes sense.

anyways, i'm going out with my boyfriend tomorrow, i cant wait!