sleepless nights

many sleepless nights

spent tossing and caving

sobbing with a straight face

my mood forever fluctuating

i promise myself the rise after the fall,

the sun peeking it's head through the tall trees,

the full orchestra and not just the tiny violin

i promise myself more than there has ever been

inflate the soul with hope and ignore pesky pins

making the habit to

never put it in anyone else's hands

makes it all the more devastating when it shrivels and dies

i wake up from panic and find rest when

the tears glide to the sides of my face,

dampening my hair and soft pillow

a certain relief in letting go, better to give up the chase

better to get brave --through being hollow

the acceptance of potential nightmares

find myself pinching myself to wake up

when i'm at my most conscious, oddly enough

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