icky !

2022.04.27

Good evening, lovelies! It’s been quite a while since I have last checked in, has it not? I hope you are all doing as well as you possibly can at the moment. For several weeks, a creeping sense of dread has enveloped every fiber of my being; That sensation is all too familiar, something so mortifying it makes my entire body ache. To put it simply, it terrifies me, colors begin to fade and the idea of being content seems unattainable. Yearning to feel whole, the desperation that laces my answers as I cling to my sanity. Descending further into my personal graveyard, the corpse of who I once was buried in the depths of my mind. Lingering like a lost child, a mindscape which reeks of abandoned passions and unfulfilled dreams. I feel like I’ve been floating in my head for much too long, an intervention long overdue to be alright. My physical form is foreign to me, being stung along like the finest of an antique shop’s marionette doll. I wish I was not wasting my days not knowing how to help myself, it shows. Monotonous as ever, am I just living on borrowed time? From a poetic standpoint, it’s rich, being eons behind schedule, a demise that has yet to occur; How comical is it that everything has not gone according to plan? When I picture myself in the years to come, my mind can see nothing, an empty canvas. A coward, but we all are well aware of that, no? This shift is horrifying because I don’t know myself, but I can feel myself drifting off to a place where my story reaches a less than stellar conclusion. All I desire is to be normal, I crave normalcy like a moth drawn to a flickering bulb in a cobweb riddled attic. Fragments of my heart scattered in the scrapbook, but my soul isn’t there. Would you just tell me what on earth I am supposed to do, I don’t want to feel like this for the rest of my life. Will everything be okay?