A type of love

I want a boy to be distraught over me. I want me existing without him to cause him pain. When he touches my skin I want him to feel pure ecstasies. I want him to love me so much it discusts him. I want him to be unable to look at me. Unable to verbalise his love for me in public because the thought of himself loving someone like me ruins him. I want him to hate me so much he loves it and love me so much he hates it.

I don't know why I feel this way or if I even do. This would probably make a shitty rationship in real life but as of right now I crave it. It's fine though I'll probably get over it soon so don't take this to seriously.