sad embarrassing vent from me lol

I don't leave my house, I'm a shut in and its not like I want to be. Anxiety and mental illness keep from being alive. I feel like I'm not even a person. I don't think I am. I'm counting the seconds hoping for something. ONE FUCKING THING to happen, to just change. I've tried changing but it doesn't matter. god I'm so tired of being like this. I dropped out of school over two years ago and I've been wasting my teen years. I just feel like I'm standing on tracks, watching a train coming straight for me but I cant move. I can run from it or stay but it won't matter. One day it will catch up to me and that day I wont be.