Dear Logan,

God I fucking wish I could say all this shit to you in person. Not even just the letters, all of it.

You deserve to hear every fucking word, the amount of shit you dragged me through, these letters would be nothing. But I also wish I could tell you one day in person, for another reason, I don't know what is happening at the moment, but I feel something. God I hate it! Sometimes when I'm bored I like to think back to the time when I would wake you up in the mornings. It really was the best thing at the time, I got to speak to you first thing I woke up, I got to hear your morning sleepy voice, and I got to speak to you before school. Gosh, for some reason I feel like at least 3 months of our relationship I was dating a phone. We wanted to spend time together to be fair, but all we were ever able to do for the most part was talk through a phone. Now that I really look back, maybe the distance had more of a contribution than I thought. I always remembered being on edge, and annoyed when he left or didn't answer. He also was the distant type in the first place, I wouldn't doubt that he got comfortable in the summer and when he started coming for winter months, he wanted to be isolated again. I also think last summer I had a lot of shit going on at the moment, so smoking a lot and hanging with friends a lot in the summer could have also done it. Cause when I hang out shit goes down, LSD, mushrooms, nic, carts, joints, cigs, oh he especially hated the cigs.

Maybe my mental state was decreasing and my self-health habits weren't good either, but I know I still put enough into that relationship even if it crashed and burned. I know I loved you and gave all the love in my heart, I don't know much about you cause I feel like your a whole new person now of a sudden, however as long as I know I tried and had some good memories on the way then this wasn't a complete waste of time. 

Sincerely,

Giana

PS-sorry for calling you pretty boy for so long, i should have made sure that was the pet name you wanted - sorry for not giving you what you wanted