Plain Grey Tee (should be read as conscious talking to self) UNFINISHED

"You're so plain, just the color grey. Grey is so blah, i should get rid of you." I told myself while tossing it on one of the various piles i have clustering my area. I continue to sort through a substantial amount of clothes all far more interesting then some dull grey tee, or at least that's what i liked to believe. Its funny how humans have to deceit themselves to stay happy, a fabricated life where it becomes infeasible to even trust your own thoughts because reality isn't the picture your going to allow yourself to paint now is it? Almost instantaneously i hear the haunting voice that came with that plain grey tee. "stop please not right now, i cant do this again."  I've accepted that it wasn't going to let me go that easily, it was never gonna leave was it?. Now when i allow myself to sit back and think about it i don't think i ever even liked it that much, i mean what's so compelling about it anyways? Its basic, it's boring, and it never really made you happy in the first place, right? "Ugh i really need to let this go". Let's have a quick recap though shall we? "could we not please." Hush now notice that maddening little word i used? here i'll say it one more time "allow" im allowing myself to think, i allow myself to feel, why can't i just do that on my own? "hmm let me think PROBABLY cause we sit here talking to ourselves, i mean like who does that! what's wrong with me?" Besides the point, i mean they can't now can't they? "STOP! just stop, im fine." I divert my attention back to the task at hand. "Keep or sell" i repeat to myself for what i believe had to have been at least 15 times, I still find myself staring at that plain grey tee. " Let me guess back to square one now, aren't we?"  It was like no matter how hard i fought it there was like this dark intrusive cloud clogging up any clarity i had. You miss him don't you? "NO! How could i miss someone like that?" i've had to have played over the time we spent together thousands of times in my head, hundreds of different scenarios but i still always leave off on "He hurt me and could have cared less, yeah i know already. I didn't deserve that, I wouldn't wish the games he enjoyed playing with me on my worst enemy, just get out of my head already!" HEY trying to get rid of me already i see, i'm here for a reason you know. "What could possibly be the reason that your here, we got over this remember? out of sight, out of mind. REMEMBER!" then why does that day still repeat in your head over and over again mrs."out of sight, out of mind" im a part of you i know the things you think at 3am when your all alone reminiscing over what definitely never could've been