how I lost my dog and best friend

I miss my dog so much. My dogs basically been out of my life for 10 years and I know that about a year after that or maybe even less she passed away because she was very old. When we got my dog she was about a year old if I remember correctly, I remember we lived in our blue house so I must have been about six years old or something. She was a malamute and Akita mix and her name was Mandee.

Mandee was my best friend, and for a few years Mandee might have been my only friend. When you grow up with the type of parent who is so reactionary that you only feel safe telling your counselor half truths about the things you can't sell said parent, things are just strained and weird. I could tell my dog anything and it would never come back to my mother's attention and she would never be able to flip out and scare me. I could tell Mandy about how I knew I was molested and how my mom got mad at me when I was five and knew what sex was, I could tell Mandy that I felt my mom should know that was bad. I couldn't tell my therapist that because then she'd wanna bring in my mom and have a group session and what would happen is I would sit there quietly and not really say anything while my mother gave me the side eye.

She never hit me or anything, it was just inherently a problem when I wasn't being her emotional support child. If I had any problems of my own she would raise her voice, she would tell me that I didn't have a bad life and so I shouldn't feel bad, she would tell me that my friends had it worse and that I should try and be more like them at the same time because they got better grades than me. My dog never said those things. The fact of the matter is that she was a responsibility given to me when I was a bit too young to have one all things considered about myself but ultimately I loved her and I loved taking care of her, but when I was twelve we lost our house during the recession and we moved every single year after that until my mom kicked me out when I was 18 over a litter box (story for another day), and mom wanted to move somewhere that she just couldn't take my dog with us. I was 17 and reluctantly agreed because she promised to make sure that somebody actually took her and that she wasn't going to get euthanized in the shelter. And she did technically follow through with that after a few negative phone calls with the humane society where they where my mother was treated rudely because she was treated as though she was just trying to pass our dog off, The thing is is I wouldn't try to disagree looking back but at the time I felt like it was negative too because I just wanted my dog to have a safe place to go. She told me she was eventually put in contact with an older woman who took in dogs that were also older and that was nice to hear, except she never told me when it was that Mandee would have to go. One day simply came that I took her food outside to put in her kennel and there was no dog in there. I never got to tell her goodbye. She left without seeing me. Did my mom care? Why would she do that. I'm 27 and I still miss my dog.