obsessive compulsive diaries: september 22, 2021

anyways.... i'll go into some detail about my OCD experience;

i started noticing (very) mild OCD symptoms most likely in 2017-early 2018. they kind of faded away but then again last year they got more and more noticeable; and then, in early this year, they got wayyyy out of control.

there are many OCD "archetypes" (as i like to call them). 

there can be symmetrical, religious, magical thinking, contamination, doubt.. and so many more that it'd take very long to name. 

i tend to have a few of these- especially magical thinking.

magical thinking ocd is a type of ocd that is centered around superstition- and not the sioxsie and the banshees album. 

it's when the person believes that if they think bad thoughts, then bad things will happen, and if they think good thoughts, then good things will happen.

and remember; people with OCD know that their compulsions and obsessions are completely irrational, but it doesn't mean that we can just stop. 

"to prevent 'bad' things from happening, people with magical thinking ocd often get preoccupied with numbers, colors, words, etc..

they also have extremely specific compulsions that they believe will prevent misfortune, such as knocking on wood multiple times" - @ocdexcellence on instagram

i have this subtype of OCD- especially with the knocking on wood. it genuinely can drive me absolutely insane.

it also got really bad with the angel numbers, such as "11:11". 

it used to be, i'd say a prayer whenever i saw 11:11- but it got to the point where my compulsions are so out of hand, that seeing 11:11 just physically tires me because i know that yet again, my brain will need to take the reins and control me for a good 2 minutes as i say thousands of prayers to make sure that things will be "good".

i have so many different types of ocd, it's hard to keep up with all of them- especially when i'm trying to sleep. my mind has all the time in the world to just brainstorm different scenarios when i'm trying to drift off to sleep- which basically gives my OCD brain the green light to tell me "oh! what if you didn't unplug your curling iron?" or "oh! what if you didn't turn the stove off?"

there's so much more that i can go on about- but i wanna save some for other blogs.

i hope you all enjoyed this first blog post, i look forward to making many more. :)