Past few weeks

I could go to therapy but posting online for attention works much better. I've stopped taking my meds for multiple reasons but mainly because of financial issues. Wasn't the best idea because it spun me all kinds of crazy and I dont think ive ever been more depressed. It's all kind of ok though because i have all my friends and what not. Kinda sucks getting older and it's a huge cliche but idk where to go from highschool. I used to think i wasnt silver-spoon fed but im realizing too late i havent been able to really see how i could act alone. It almost like im just self-centered or something i can't think of the proper word. Lazy works better i guess. i just don't want to deal with the hardships and nothing ever feels fair. Of course everyone knows this but im not made for this. Im too weak or whatever but it just isnt for me. I cant even blame it on reincarnation or something more out there because what is even stopping me from getting better? Not everything can be blamed on trauma. And even if i wanted to get better where do you even start. what can i do physically to change anything about anything ya know? and its even more frustrating no one can give me a straight answer. Even though ive thought about this all constantly nothing can change unless i know when exactly i am taking the correct step. AND I MEAN A REAL STEP. Anyhoo the rest of the week was pretty fun i just wish i didnt have a brain lmao.