there's a mikami analysis on tumblr that i always end up going back to (link for anyone interested, please check it out) and i just wanted to talk a little bit about it because man, does it make
me sad.
there's one part of it that always gets to me, so i'll just paste it here:
"(This is what I meant when I was referring to his earlier wishes for deletion to be 'not quite death wishes’ – the idea of a specific death wish is just now getting affirmed here based on precedent. Deletion goes from an abstract concept to the concrete idea that people’s death can be positive and wanted.)
Why does he latch onto this moral though?
At this point Mikami is left entirely without guidance. His one and only support system is gone. He has two options to interpret the events:
1.) His mother did not deserve death, hence it is a random coincidence that the bullies died alongside her. Since an innocent person was killed too, the accident cannot have been an act of divine punishment for the bullies – that would imply the force causing the incident is unfair. So if he accepts this version, fate is unfair and deaths do happen at random. Even despite the fact that Mikami has always been 'righteous’ he is not rewarded and instead abandoned once more. There is no underlying order of justice to the universe. All his actions so far are rendered cosmically pointless with this.
or
2.) His mother might not have been as bad as the bullies, but since she didn’t stand for justice there is some reason for her deletion. The bullies did die as a consequence of their wrong-doings – Teru has been saved from them by divine punishment. Even though his legal guardian is gone, he has the universe’s order on his side because he is righteous and will thus come out on top. His actions are validated and meaningful and he will be rewarded for continuing on the way he believes in.
Accepting 1.) also comes with accepting that his mother was right. If there is no universal order, Teru has no grounds to reject her on. He would have to regret the fact that she died while in a fight with him and have to properly mourn her. He’d be left with nothing but regret and the ideals he believed in shattered at his feet.
Meanwhile 2.) is an option that gives him safety. Worldly reassurance ceases to have a meaning if he knows cosmic order on his side. The feeling of security that he just lost is restored in this fashion.
It’s obvious what he picks."
just - AHHH. there's nothing i can really add here without just reinventing the wheel, but i just have so many feelings abt this. mikami is such an underrated tragic character and it kills me x-x like little mikami having to double down on the justification of his suffering through his ideals, yknow? if the universe isn't bound to his idea of right and wrong, of good and evil, then his suffering means nothing. he can't even fathom the notion that the world is neutral and both good and bad people can suffer and/or be rewarded. isn't that so unimaginably sad?
the rest of the analysis is equally good btw, if you care at all about mikami teru please check it out if u haven't already xx (plus, tumblr user mikami has a ton of great analyses about all things death note, their whole blog is like a death note encyclopedia, so check them out even if ur not big on mikami!!) :>
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