Alone (a rant)

I truly understand the meaning of being alone. Why?Well I am. Never had a meaningful conversation. Friends? To much work. Why bother I tell my secerects to myself and talk to myself. Maybe I am mad women. Invisible is not the power I have but it's a power I already have. I deserve this after all in kindgareden I didn't go to Mala's birthday party. In, thrid grade I stole a diary and was a planner for a marrige lol. In sixth grade I tried to frame my "bestfreind" because I wanted her back but maybe i was envious. I never been cool, pretty, funny, or smart enough. What wrong with me? I don't know. "It's going to get better" no it's not it never those for people like me. I don't evem know myself anymore I use to dance, sing, overall I was very outgoing, Depression? worse. The problem is not being alone but me never having someone I san rely on, trust, even related to. The way I hate soundcloud ads is the way I hate myself. I don't talk yet I am judge. If my mask broke it would show an broken image as a old, ugly, women in tears. Why I am I here well I don't know. There's nobiody I am staying here for. So many obejects I can use but it's the people pleaser in me.