Social Media Just Has Never Worked For Me

It's so crazy. 

I remember making my myspace page and then sitting back like: I'm about to make so many friends. I probably was one of the few people who didn't come home to many notifications after school. 

Least to say, I was disappointed. 

Then came, Facebook. 

Okay, so the point of Facebook ,originally, was to meet people in your area. I'm old enough to remember when something like five people had to all say they knew you in order to use it lol...needless to say it would be a few more years before I would be able to obtain a working page. 

So, boom, I've made my Facebook page and I just KNEW this was the moment...and in a way it was. I had modest feeling of community and slight illusion that I had a social life I just didn't have irl. 

Even then, I still was on the lower end of "success". I could post a picture and earn a modest 50 likes and posts could receive like 15 likes and 20-35 on a good day. 

I went through the provocative bathroom pics stage in my Walmart bras...lol. omg ugh talk about cringe that won't end....children sexualized on line but pressured and given "positive" attention for doing so. We won't even get into how that affected my psychology and self worth because the "girls" today think they know everything, just like we once did.  

Anyway, I got older and experienced things that had me realizing my false social media social life, would never be real. I came to this conclusion from realizing that people didn't care what i thought or felt...only if my photos qualified as "soft porn" that's free. That I could be a sort of "tangible" fantasy. 

I was disgusted. 

No longer did I want to post these "provocative" photos any longer. I deleted page after page. I deleted Instagram account after account in rebellion. Likeeeee DONT SEXUALIZE ME. 

I so badly was yelling, see me, hear me, someone has to appreciate just ...me....

And...

As my engagement numbers decreased, as my "sexual" content decreased. My false social circle reality disappeared more rapidly than the decades that it had taken to build. 

I became lonelier and lonelier. I've never actually had friends. I didn't grow up with extended family. Now, aging and poor, it was becoming a suffocating loneliness. 

My relationships became more toxic and more emotionally abusive because I chose to subject myself to partners who were less than optimal because simply....didn't want to be alone. Wanted to feel connected to the human body. Felt...I am awesome and someone will see it and confirm it. 

That never happened....

I truly had to, and still am....

Having to embrace a journey of self love. I've had to realize that I was called out of the world and not of the world so the world will never love me. That God won't bless me with certain privileges and experiences that i lack the emotional maturity for because God won't allow me to lose my eternal soul for temporary life. 

So, my name is Impress Divinity. I am a 29 year old believer of Jesus Christ. I love music and am a solo artist along with being the purple half of a dope ass rap duo called A Tribe Called Nazareth. From time to time...I'll post random blogs (like this one, but don't clock me...I'll probably never work or post on a schedule.) 

Buttttt 

If you're broken, lonely, sad, unappreciatedlooking for like minds and this blog makes you feel a little less than any of the aforementioned....

Follow me and I'll follow back ....

Hopefully we can enjoy each other's content and yeah. 

Imma post these blogs regardless because I've gotten to a place in life (thank God) 

Where I finally am me, for me, through Jesus Christ...ultimately for his will and purpose....

And I can do that here. 

So I'll pretend 10,000 are reading and blessed. 

We will laugh and we cry....

Grow and change....

But ultimately know....

That we are never truly alone. 

We aren't all so different. 

Ttly.