hate

so upset that even watching a show with my only friend- that my brain still makes me to be sad. like i love her and i love spending time with her but my mind was just starting to drift off and i started to tear up for no fucking reason and i had to end the call. i dont wanna be like this. i cant complain about not having any friends except for one but then not have the energy or motivation to reach out to anyone new or even talk to her! i know she understands and i understand myself but its still so frustrating. how am i suppose to make or keep friends like this? these past few days have been so hard and it is so so so so so sos sooso soso so tiring. i cant be like this, like, i cant do this. all the fucking time? every existing moment?