Confused

I want to have a girlfriend, maybe even marry someday, but at the same time I want independence first, but turn around and I keep thinking to myself. If I do get to the point, I'm independent, would I want someone to come ruin it? All that hard work gone. Wasted.

Like, I'm afraid of telling anyone this, but I've always pictured myself in a small apartment or house with my future plants and my books to keep me company. Maybe even become the Author, I've always imagined myself being.

BUT in an alternate reality, a fancy wedding in a small church with large windows. I'd have a Harry Potter themed one as well. Have my bridesmaids wear the color of their Hogwarts houses. I'd have them play Hedwigs theme as I walk down the isle. I'd love for it to be inside and I'd put up a crap ton of fake candles along the ceiling. I'd want it in Fall sometime in the beginning of October where the leaves are just starting to fall. I'd want burgundy and gold covered the hall. I want red roses everywhere till you get sick of seeing them. I'd want to walk the isle with my future wife. So we'd have the experience together. Someday after that, maybe become a foster mom and home LGBTQ youth.

I don't know. It's just something I've struggled to come to terms with. Like, trying to figure out my independence while also figuring out if I want a significant other there with me to share my experiences. I'd love for at least one person to watch sunsets with me and drink coffee. Or Have adventures with, I've always wanted to see the world. Traveling would be amazing.

I was just wondering if anyone else felt the same?