spotify and male friends

First we will talk about my baby, spotify. Recently I've found that the thing I'm looking forward too most is the time I spend at night texting my best friend on discord but most of all sticking my airpods (yes I'm going to call them airpods my dad paid too much money for me to call them headphones,) in and listing to a carefully curated playlist with the perfect vibe and order. My favorite playlist at the moment is called 'blue v, coke zero or water'. I'm aware the name is very random but it kind of represents what I drink depending on my state of mind. I honestly am kind of obsessed with Phoebe Bridgers at the moment as well and my favorite songs of hers are Funeral, The Gold and my current love Garden Song. Also mitski > everything, she is the love of my life and her music is impeccable. Frida asked me today how I listened to some of my music without just breaking down and the answer is sometimes I cant and it all just comes flowing out but most of the time I'm just so emotionally constipated that some moments almost get me but they never last long enough. Nothing is ever long enough. I hate to do it but that's what she said.

Secondly, I have a love hate relationship with the idea of male friends, not necessarily my male friends but kind of just being friends with guys in general. Like I love that fact that they will give me and Frida things and would probably beat someone up for us. Connor is sweet and gives good hugs and knows the right times to talk and when to shut up. Isaac is fun to talk too and is funny in a dumb way. He is also very muscly. We all love his muscles even though he's insecure about his body. Ryan will just lay there and hug you, he also has the weirdest stories and he's 6'1. George... well he's George. I genuinely think that's the only way to describe him but I'll try list some things I love about him too. I like that he cares a lot and will always ask before doing something, he also makes great conversation but I think they all do. That the other thing, I feel like we are all friends. There isn't really any separation or one person cant hang out so the group wont hang out. Like people are obviously closer with others and I probably wouldn't hang out with just one of the guys alone but everything is kind of always chill. Apart from when George throws hissy fits. And I also love the play fighting, it reminds me of the time I used to spend with my brother when we were kids and I miss that with him. I will probably end up writing about my brother because even though he's not gone I still miss him. But sometimes they take it too far and I end up having to bite someone to get out of a headlock. 

Even though I love all that I still hate the way they talk about people sometimes, and I hate that they use certain slurs and I hate that they talk about girls the way guys talk about girls. I mean I don't no what I expected but it doesn't mean it isn't any less disgusting. And I hate when their other friends come over to see them we get ignored or asked if we're sleeping with one of them like we are objects. I hate that both Isaac and George constantly need some sort of relationship in their lives and how they put their worth on girls. I hate that George hooked up with a year 8 and I hate that Connor is so straight up but not straight up. Also I would also rather not hear detailed descriptions of peoples body parts that you saw during spicy time. Like dude that should be between you and her not the entire friend group. I also vote Isaac's girlfriend out of the group, no one likes her. 

Even so a mixed gender friend group keeps life interesting and I don't think I would trade my friends for mitski. Truthfully they all make my happy even if hanging out with all of them for an extended period time makes me extremely tired and it fries my brain.

AMy xoxo