Finishing A Little Life

This review is seriously all over the place

After wanting this book for months and months and finally picking it up a couple weeks ago i definitely did not think this is how i would feel about the book. Im torn with either giving this book a 3.5/5 or a 4/5 but either way this book is weird. After reading some reviews on goodreads and looking at some of the notable quotes that people thought outshined the rest i can safely say that im not crazy and this book is kind of overhyped. I think people think this book is so good because of the writing style and the endless abuse that Jude experiences throughout the entire fucking thing. Trauma does not make a good story and if you look under all of that mental and physical abuse that Jude goes through your not really left with much else. Still im very attached to his character and found myself relating to him in more ways than one. My favorite quote from the book made me get him and its this:

“But what Andy never understood about him was this: he was an optimist. Every month, every week, he chose to open his eyes, to live another day in the world. He did it when he was feeling so awful that sometimes the pain seemed to transport him to another state, one in which everything, even the past that he worked so hard to forget, seemed to fade into a gray watercolor wash. He did it when his memories crowded out all other thoughts, when it took real effort, real concentration, to tether himself to his current life, to keep himself from raging with despair and shame. He did it when he was so exhausted of trying, when being awake and alive demanded such energy that he had to lie in bed thinking of reasons to get up and try again,”.

Struggling with depression and motivation has been a huge chunk of my life in the past few years and because ive never really seen my force of motivation in the kind of "positive" light that this quote did, it made me sort of appreciate Hanya's interpretation of it. Still shes mad fucking annoying and i want to kind of slap her across the face. She makes Jude go through the absolute worst situations that any normal person wouldnt even dare think about and then makes everyone in his life useless in helping him. They refuse to fight for him and constantly submit to his refusal for help. And when someone truly has a very normal and human reaction to him (aka JB) he gets beaten up for it for the remainder of the book. Speaking of JB actually i seriously think hes my favorite character. The fact that throughout his entire succesful carrer he only seems to paint his friends is definently weird and his attitude really did get me mad i cant help but think hes the best. In fact reading about him being a piece of shit didnt even get me mad at him but once again at the author. She wants him to be terrible so bad and i just dont get why. Out of the four of them hes the one who seems to be the most "insensitive" but really hes the only normal one. When Jude breaks off their friendship and had said something along the lines of "ill miss you JB" it was the only time i actually cried. Literally writing about it is making me tear up rn, I feel bad for JB i seriously do, and i think its unfair and weird how much Hanya shits on him. I also think its weird that this is meant to be a gay book when theres not much thats gay about it. The brutal pedophiles in this book arent gay theyre sick so that doesnt count, the abusive boyfriend that gets with Jude (which is also super fucking weird bcs how is it that the first romantic relationship that Jude willing pursues as an adult turns out to be super fuvking abusive????) is gay but once again is really sick and doesnt really get into anything gay... i lost my train of thought but back to what i was trying to say the only truly gay thing about this book is Jude and Williems relationship which isnt really introduced until the end of the book doesnt count so this book isnt gay whatsoever. Speaking of Willem i hate him. Sorry but hes such a weido. He seen Jude struggle throughout their entire friendship yet never does anything and when he does its when their in a romantic relationship and his methods become really strange. Like when he cuts himself to make Jude feel what he does.. Like what the fuck???

I have so much more to say about this book, the characters, the setting, and their development but im really fucking lazy and my knuckles hurt from typing. I know i focused more on the bad rather than the good but i cant help it it was really bothering me 😭😭😭

this book is pretty unrealistic and stupid yet i still read it every day and enjoyed it for the most part, it accompanied me on my morning and afternoon rides on the 6 for weeks and made me look land feel less alone during lunch. I also teared up alot reading it. Forgot to mention but i was seriosuly rooting for Jude to just fucking kill himself by the end but the last page still made me cry.

All in all i liked it i guess and im excited to put this on my bookshelf and avtually read more books after this one.

ALSOOOOO i need to mention that i kiterallt created the best fuckibg playlist for this book that is entirely filled with italian/Portuguese?? (i actually have no idea what languag/place they originates from) themes/instrumentals and ive been listening to every single day for like three weeks so i cant help but associate all of these songs with Jude St Francis and sadness. Still its such a good playlist and i should be the head of creating the soundtrack if the book was ever adapted into a movie. I would call like 3 of those songs in there "Judes theme". and i would have piero piccioni (i think he might be dead idk) compose a song for him too.

Okay last last thing but gq had said that dev patel should play andy if it were to ever be a movie and i almsot threw up on the bus out of glee likeee theyre so real for that. Dev Patel reminds me of an older Anas as ive said many times and if anas does glow up to look like him ill kill myself out of shame and im being so serious like he cant betray me like that.

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