Well fuck

My boyfriend just broke up with me after 7 months.This is the second time he’s done it. I’m starting to feel like I’m disposable to him like he never really loved me, just what came out of dating me. Cuz I won’t lie I helped him out way more than I should’ve, and would give him constant support, but when I went through a pregnancy scare (mind you it would’ve been his kid) he wasn’t there for me at all. I had to rely on my friends. I wrote essays for him, I did and helped out with his homework, I wrote a letter to the court for him, I cleaned him up so he wouldn’t get in trouble for smelling like weed. But then he blocked me out of no where, went to Vegas, came back, started talking to me again then broke up with me. Every time he broke up with me he asked to be friends still. And whenever he spoke it didn’t even seem like he was the slightest bit sad we broke up. Like he just got over it instantly. It really really hurts. I got grounded so much trying to help him out and then he goes on and off and I just feel like I don’t mean as much to him. Like he never loved me in the first place. I really tried to be the best girlfriend I could be. So I just keep pretending I’m okay whenever he texts me, I want to tell him how I feel and how miserable I am, but I don’t want to make him feel bad or guilt him into getting back with me. Truth be told, I don’t want to lose him, I still love him and care about him too much.