Change, maybe

I’m sure some change will come, it’s just taken a while this time. Not everything has to change either, just the parts and people that don’t help make me a better person. The people I have to go too far out of my comfort zone for in order to be friends with, and don’t mutually understand that. And others who don’t make the right decisions in different ways. I wrote a little poem about it: https://writings.percycho.repl.co/2022-04-09-the-friendly-circle.html

Every “wrong” decision I’ve made in the past kinda came crashing down recently. It’s not recent either, I’ve been more anxious than usual these past two or three months, and been struggling to figure out why, or express it to others to get an answer which would suffice. But people aren’t perfect, and I’m really grateful to the people I was able to talk to about how I felt and get advice from. Sure it wasn’t “perfect” in my eyes, but I’ve been desperate for “perfect” for a while because I feel like there isn’t any opportunity with anyone I know now. But it’s not that I’m lacking some perfect person - which is unrealistic and I shouldn’t hope for that - but I’m lacking a person who can give me the hope of opportunity as a friend or more. Because I’ve had that “hope” for most parts of my high school year, and this is one of the longer stretches where I haven’t had that.

Welp, high school is only two months from being over anyways. And I certainly don’t want to rush it, but I do think I am getting a bit of senioritis. There’s ups and downs in the future, and I can only hope I placed my bets right so I have many more ups than downs after all. I wouldn’t want to neglect all that I’ve worked toward so far.

Oh and imma return to discord because I’ve been lonely lmao.

thanks for reading :)))