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To be quite honest I didn't think I'd make it this far, all the stuff I've had to deal with in the past, and the uncertainty of the future. My life as of present feels like a blur, as if a fog were cast around me.
I feel so disconnected from the world, I can't exactly describe the feeling, but it's like an old grand piano, beautiful and ornate yet the keys are worn, and dust has piled into it's mechanisms. I feel like I'm repeating the same sad song with every moment I spend with my thoughts. Over and over the same rhythm plays, but I've forgotten the meaning behind the melody.
My life right now is probably the best it's been in a while, I'm going out and seeing my friends after a long time, I've made new ones, I've started college and am pursuing my aspirations. But a part of me still doesn't want to believe that my life is a happy song.
All the trauma has worn deep into my being, and I feel as if this is all a mirage, a psychosis that I have driven myself to after getting mader and mader with each lonesome dark day. I thought when everything got better I would too, that I wasn't as sensitive to it all as I actually am. Yet I can't shake the feeling that I'm not deserving of this, that I'm an imposter in my own life. Maybe I haven't gotten better after all, all the skin deep wounds have healed, but the toughest ones are still wide open.
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