The Black Parade, Hospice, and technological anxiety

i have a sort of fear of computers, i get really bad anxiety when i have to use computers. i can use my phone and my laptop without trouble because they're both more than 5 years old and i don't do much on them besides use a couple apps and websites. But using computers in school is a real big issue, i've been sent home early so many days because just turning on the screen sends my anxiety through the roof. These past couple days my phone hasn't been working as it usually does which means i've been shoved into a depressive episode of panic and worry. Because of this, i haven't been using my phone much, apart from spotify. 

When i get these depressive episodes i fall back onto two albums in particular; The Black Parade by My Chemical Romance, and Hospice by The Antlers. i listen to them back to back, i listen to them as if they're two books in the same series. The Black Parade's portrayal of death is a concept that's been comforting to me since i first heard it in 2016, i relate to the songs in such a deep way, in some ways that are scary because i have an aunt Marie like the one mentioned in Cancer. TBP is a rock opera type album that has death as clear metaphor that is easily picked on upon. Hospice, on the other hand,is more soft and sensitive. Much of the album is instrumentals and ambient noise but it feels like a ghost speaking to you from where it haunts a hospital. Songs such as Kettering and Bear stand out the most to me, i feel less alone when this metaphorical ghost is talking to me through the music. I have a very personal relationship with hospitals, and so the visual imagery from TBP and Hospice creating a hospital scene is one way i can disconnect from the real world. Most of you will have listened to TBP, but for me listening to Hospice is like extending the album even though The Antlers is a far cry from MCR. 

The general plan for my anxiety is to just wait it out, hope my phone sorts it's self out or i just learn to cope with how it is now. However my anxiety is increasingly getting worse so maybe i'll end up in a psych ward before i even turn 16.

-Ethan