happy couples?

boiiiiiiiii, your homie (me) has always been about that enemies to lovers type shit but I also have realised that damn, couples that started out as friends to lovers are also not that bad. It doesnt always have to be black and white and due to a lot of my personal problems a lot of things are black and white so the relisation that humans in general could care for each other as friends and grow closer into a loving relationship but still have that comfy energy you have with friends is just messing with my brain rn?? like your saying that love doesnt have to start with a huge fight and injury and betrayal?? in other words i read a lot of books and seeing irl couples being.. cute and just so damn close to each other makes me feel so much more alone :( i hate lonliness its always been one of the most painful things for me to get through. My need for a relationship also clashes with my need to be self sustaining to be happy and its a constant shit cycle. In other words relationshsips/feelings and trauma dont mix well:( fucking trauma -_-