triggered

okay so long story short I fell head over heels for a short newfie over the summer, he had to go back home, I found out somethings, we kept in touch blah blah he confessed he had a gf November 30th and I was devastated sent me into a little spiral, got into a relationship 3 days later? and boom regret, so anyways he messages me randomly on Saturday? and boy oh boy I was just caught of guard, accepted it and told him to leave me alone, I miss him dearly but it just wont ever be the same, he use to bring me butterflies now just nausea, I blocked him shortly after, but I continued to have a bad day, ate until I got sick, and I still have so many unanswered questions, but I am glad he still thinks of me idc if he was hungover or drunk, nice to know he is still struggling.  anyways I am venting and I still continue to do shitty things to myself everyday, but I want to change