Turns out im gray aroace

I didnt realize that people actually do have. Crushes pretty often??? Ive only had like 3 in my entire life and im 19. Its super rare for me to have genuine attraction to people in general??? I have slightly more attraction to fictional men but its not as genuine as I make it out to be ^^'

So yeh! After talkin 2 some friendz and whatnot i realize im gray aroace. Which means I do feel sexual and romantic attraction but its suuuuper rare (like i said, maybe like 3 crushes ever).

Ive always thought that it was strange how people could date so often, bc I thought everyone else didnt have crushes often. It never made sense to me? Like why date so much if actual attraction beyond "what would it be like to kiss this person? would prolly be weird idk. anyways back to doing work" is so rare? Turns out its not. People do genuinely find other people genuinely attractive quite often. (also those thoughts are literally just random intrusive thoughts anyone gets, its never beyond that)

Dont feel bad 4 me tho, im legit fine w this. I liek to write romance waaaaay more than I like irl romance. Just doesn't appeal to me fully, its odd. Like its not a total lack of desire, its just that like if u show me the most attractive men in the world its extremely likely that I wouldnt feel anything other than "hes cute, objectively nice looking guy." I seriously cant look at "attractive" celebrities and find then attractive it just doesnt work like that for me.

When I gush abt romance its almost always just out of like, sorta desire but also not? Like if u like killing stuff in games but u obvs wont kill stuff irl. Its exactly like that for me. I love shipping and writing lovey dovey stuff but when people do stuff like that to me irl im 90% of the time gonna be like "? why would i want that? i mean youre cute but in the way that most guys are cute"

Anyways! Goodnight im sleepy now lolz