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Greeted by trees as far as the eye could see, and brought to a two story cabin on a hill. This would be my home for the next two months, rather than the one. I don't know if it was because I hadn't replaced the battery on my car yet, or if I wanted to explore Carbondale as I'd explored other towns. Maybe it was because my mother would go on and on about wanting to live in a log cabin when I was a kid. The host wasn't a bad guy, but the roommates were messy, as they tend to be when I rent somewhere rather inexpensive.
Most of my stay here was a lethargic one, I'd driven up the main street, I'd made a commitment to stay away from fast food and sweets, which I broke only a few times. Many of my nights were spent on a Discord server, I didn't really belong there but they tried their best to welcome me, particularly the person who was running it.
I was still hurting from the death of my mothers dog, being demoted at work, and having a weak paycheck for the month. It was a new month with new challenges and backing down wasn't an option. Much to my shame, the things bothering me were taken out on my new friends and they deserved better than that.
I ended up finally calling my priestess back in Florida. I didn't tell her everything but I did mention the weird dreams that I was having. In truth I didn't have to tell her everything, it would've elicited the same answer. I needed to go on a spirit journey.
She gave me the steps involved with the journey and it took several attempts to get it right. Many times I would lose focus, become exhausted, and need to rest. I think it was a good exercise to get my mind right and realign myself. I felt like a broken person and in a lot of ways it was what I feared all along. I'd forgotten why I became a nomad, I'd lost interest in seeing new places and I was unnecessarily mean to people who only wanted to be my friends.
I'd told one of them that I was used to losing people, and I was right. It still hurts, and once I'd taken some time for myself I'd begun preparing myself to leave the following month. I booked another Air BnB for infamous old Fayetteville, Arkansas. The last time I booked here it was with a different host who'd cancelled last minute, and arguably ruined my plans as a whole. I got my car battery replaced, and I'd accepted what I'd done along with the fact that I wouldn't really get a chance to make it right.
The nearby mall was appropriately barren, with only a dozen stores or so. I'd gone there to look for a hat, as I'd discovered two cysts on the back of my head that look like a bald spot. It was a depressing sight as the mall had just as few occupants as it did stores. The world I knew had changed and malls were no longer the place to be. I never ended up buying a hat at that mall.
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