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I just started therapy, and we immediately started talking about relationships. I mean, it makes sense, it's something somewhat surface levels before you hit the real childhood traumas.
But my therapist kept telling me that it's okay to communicate my feelings with my partner. And well...it turns out I have anxiety attachment type. Or I am, I guess.
It explains a lot...The freaking out, the always questioning people's intentions, trying to make sure they can't play me, wondering if they really mean what they say.
I guess it's trauma based. My long history of shitty ass relationships and being cheated on repeatedly really did come back to haunt me. People cheat and use others so nonchalantly without realizing how much trauma they are inflicting on others. Now all my defense mechanisms, everything I do to keep myself safe I have to unlearn because otherwise I'll never let a relationship flourish? It's so annoying.
I wish there was a way to make sure the person I'm talking to was legit, 100% but there isn't anything. I guess I have to take a leap of faith, right?
Hopefully I don't crash and die.
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Isla
I hope you're feeling okay