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to anyone looking for another reason

im here to convince you to stay.



if not for you, for me. or your family, your friends, people you grew up around. everyone.



my uncle committed suicide 13 days ago, on march 14 2022.


we werent very close but he meant so mcuh to me.


growing up i loved him so much. i loved when he came around.

but he dealt with severe substance abuse and depression since he was around 15 years old.



he would get better and be around us, but when he was bad we didnt hear a word from him.


sometimes we didnt hear from him for years. 

hed break into our house and steal money, or things that were worth something and would sell them at the pawn shop in order to get money for his rent that month.




he died at 55 with nothing to his name. he lived in an apartment with no wife or husband, no kids, nothing that was rlly personal to him. he had sold everything. 

he was in the process of being evicted for the idek how manyth time.


he worked a dead end job hat paid him 18 an hour. and where i live thats not livable for a man who is considered a senior.

he died having made nothing of himself, all because he let depression get the best of him.


despite all this, he was an amazing man. he was a carpenter, an uncle, a brother, a son.


but on march 24 2022 he decided he couldnt take it anymore. he wrote a rushed note saying 


"ive been struggling with depression for 40 years, i cant do this anymore. i love you all so much, im so sorry."


and those words break my heart every single time.

he never reached out for help.


he tried really hard but in the end, he lost.



and i dont blame him. to be fair, i almost lost a couple times.


but i know that right now i hurt so much for him.




and so does my sister.


in fact due to his death, she had an episode that resulted in her attempting to take her own life.



and so not only did i lose my only uncle. but i almost lost my little sister.


and im in so much pain.

i love them both so much i couldnt imagine anything happening to them like this.



i imagined my entire life with them in it.

and due to this im forced to think of a life in the future that may not have them in it.




i understand how bipolar depression feels. and its not fun.




and if you reading this also deals with severe or clinical depression; it gets better. it always does. i promise.

a few months from now when youre looking back on the day you wanted to take your own life you wonder why you had even thought that way. that what your experiencing at this moment makes all those hard moments worth it.



or you may feel the opposite; as my uncle did.





looking back at your life only makes you feel so much worse. and in that case- you can do so much better. your age doesnt define the things that you can do for others.


you dont understand how much you actually impact other people.







that person you see at the coffee shop every morning will wonder about you.





your niece will always think of you.





your cousin will wonder where you went.




your parents will forever wonder why you didnt reach out.


why you didnt ask anyone to help you.





without you,

life wouldnt be the same.






so please. if youre considering it.

stay for the people that love you. because more times than not theyd help you. anything is better than completely losing you.



i know i think of every single day where i couldnt reached out to my uncle or my sister and told them i was there for them no matter what happened.


but its not my fault.

and if you make that decision i cant guarantee that your family wont feel the exact same way as i feel.


so please. for everyone that loves you and holds you dear to their heart.


stay.


stay even if it hurts.



stay even though all you want to do is go.


because you in your right mind would be happy that you did.


the healthy you would thank you profusely for hanging on.







so whatever you do, choose to stay.


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