Turning 20

I turned 20. March 29th, couple days ago. I never liked my birthday. It reminds me the fact that I ruined my mother's life. She has never outright said it but I can tell. I've always been able to tell. I was too expensive. Too many clothes, so much food, babysitters, time, space. I ruined her chances to buy a house and filfull the American dream. Now, I have to do those things because I owe her. I'm in college and she lets me live rent free as long as I am in school. I apperciate it and I know I'm previleged for that. But I know she isn't proud of me. I'm not going for a law degree or medical school or starting my own business. I want to be teacher. That's disappointing. To her. I really do want to be teacher because I know I can be better than those teachers in high school. I know I can do something good. My mother doesn't see it that way. She says I won't make enough money but at least, I'll have a decent pension. I try and offer her money. I don't pay for anything so I could pay her credit cards but she won't. Maybe she'll use that against me when I'm older but I really try and give her money. It's the only way I know how to make people like me. I don't have much money but even $20 for gas makes people happy. Who doesn't want free money? So why won't she take it? Why won't she love me?