STRESSED

I’ve been meaning to post for a while but I just couldn’t work up the energy.

Basically I’m just super stressed about literally everything, life in general yk. I feel like I’ve reached my breaking point and I’m literally abt to give up. Idk what to do with myself anymore.

I’ve lost all enjoyment for school, so I have no motivation and I just find everything we do so boring. I don’t have a dream job/have no idea what to do with my life.

 - I love English and I’m good at it but that’s what     makes it boring, I feel like we just do the same thing over and over, I also love science but this yr I have the worst teacher ever and she makes us all hate it, math is fine, art is alg - so is materials and drama but I’m feeling extra stressed bc I got covid and have been of scl so I feel like I’m soooooooooooo behind.

I’ve also always had pressure on me to do good in school since I first started when I was five and idk what I’m going to do if I can’t live up to everybody else’s and my own expectations.

In fact I was actually talking to N abt how I cried for like an hour abt how much I miss little me and how I feel like I’ve failed her so bad :/ 

She just always had everything all figured out and was so confident and self assured - I could rly use her right now.

I’m honestly so concerned with myself bc I used to literally not be able to cry and now I feel like the smallest thing could make me cry, ik it’s unhealthy to suppress emotions but it was getting me through life and I genuinely think I’m going to fall apart soon.

For the first time in my life certain things have actually been going good for me for once like my friendships and my relationship with my dad has been getting better slowly but it’s like the world's said u can have this but ur going to be more stressed abt life and school than ever b4 and this is also when ur going to have to deal with all the childhood trauma that u didn’t realise u had as a child and yk let’s add everything that happened in intermediate on top of that.

Basically I’m just a mess and idek what to do with anything anymore, I’ve been holding myself together for so long but now I’m tired and I’m scared bc whatever is holding me together is getting weak and it might just cause me to fall apart into tiny little pieces.

Life is impossible and the fact that I know I’m literally so insignificant makes me want to give up even more, I don’t feel the point anymore.

Sorry, this was a lot.

Love,

Rose :/