my day today, ft. the friend i wrote abt:

well, she kinda stabbed me in the back. i was just jokin abt stuff and ig i did smth and she got angry at me for it. i apologized, she said "you can die". and she knows that i am suicidal. but it's funny becuz we were friends before and then she wasn't my friend the next day. so like, she might just be mad, but from what i see, our friendship wasn't as important to her as it was to me.

she kept talking abt me behind my back, i rlly only did one thing. like, i apologized after i did it. she didn't accept it and she is still mad. at lunch today, she kept saying what i did and she was LOUD. i could hear every word she said. and that hurt. i had friends with me, i felt like i ruined the lunch that day. i never ate either. and she kept talking abt me for 20 mins, people were staring at me. i felt embarrassed and upset. i'm not mad at her tho, i don't need to be. she is just that kind of person. it really hurt my feelings, but that's alr. 

my "friends" haven't even been there for me, its really just this one guy, he asks me what was wrong and he tries to cheer me up and makes me laugh. he is super sweet to me. he's not the best at comforting, but he tried to keep the convo going and stuff. he really is sweet. 

after all of that mess happened at lunch, i was pretty messed up for the whole day. i was sad, kind of empty. i felt the need to scream and cry, my eyes watered when i was in class. nobody spoke to me until the 7th period, my lovely english teacher. she is so sweet. at the end of class, she asks me if i was okay, i lied and said "yea im just tired" and she said "you know that's a lie". i told her, but i never told her this, i told her something that had happened a couple of days before, on saturday. 

i had a really toxic friend who made me feel bad, and so i quit being friends with her. and since all of this happened, i could cry at any second. and i talked and i just started to cry. i tried to talk, but it was so hard for me. i ended up telling her, she said "you can talk to me anytime". i just adore her. she really is sweet. tbh she is the only one making me happy atm. 

im sorry this is long, -soph <3