September 15th 2021

Day 1 of My Blog

I'm in the last period of the day, a small study hall with 3 other students. I can't seem to focus on things I need to do for the life of me, my brain is almost always distracted, thinking of so many things at once. It also doesn't help any that I'm stuck with 1 hour of phone use at home, so I try to use as much free time as possible to do things I enjoy. 

To fill everyone in, Hi, I'm Caleb. Screen name is whisp or Father Squiggy. I started school on the 1st of September. I also started with no friends due to a rumor that my ex started in 2019. She stated that I, Caleb, was a rapist. And, because she was so convincing with this claim many people believed her and left me. This all came to my knowledge when I was staying with one of my friends for the night in their camper in front of their house. I got 2 paragraphs from my friends saying what I did was terrible and that I should never talk to them, or my ex ever again or they will get the law involved. I was terrified getting these paragraphs, because I never did anything like that with her. My friend whom was also in the friend groups supported me as I was having a meltdown. 

Soon after, they left as well.

I was left alone with no one left, I also had no idea who my ex told this to, so I had to be super cautious with who I spoke to next. I tried fixing everything, bit by bit. nothing helped, it seemed I was stuck. Until, a year later I received a message from a number not programmed in my phone. The message read:

"Hey, I don't know if you still use this number or not, but I just wanted to say I'm sorry for it all. I should not have said what I said, and was just regretting it. I am so sorry and should have just said no from the start. again I am sorry, you don't have to forgive me or even be friends with me, I just wanted to apologize."

When I received this, I was home alone. I already moved to my father's thinking it was for the better, thinking maybe I could make better friends in a different school. But in reality, I missed my mom's place. I wanted to go back to where the heater was, where the basement wasn't flooded, where the gas didn't reach, where my dad's girlfriend wasn't, and most importantly, where my mom was. I was cold, and the chores were always piling up on me. I wasn't supposed to be on my phone until the parents got home, so I couldn't call anyone for help, I was panicking, crying and feeling revealed at the same time. 

Later, when the parents did come home, I sent screenshots of these messages to the rest of the group. They brought it up to my ex, and they then messaged me again saying: "Leave us alone alright? I messaged you because I was scared."  

Thinking about this today, (a year later) I now think why should I leave them alone when they where the one to message first? Could it be the fact that me reviling the truth puts my ex in risk of loosing their friends. Man my back hurts. I need to work on my posture. Bell's about to ring to go home, until next time bud.