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I lied. Things are NOT getting better. I got dumped twice in one week, my cat ran away twice in 1 month (second time being last night and he's still not back.) and everything seems to be caving in around me. No one can hear me when I call out for help, the only person who truly understands, is my sis. She understands because she's just like me. I wish there was some way for me to get better without going to the Hospital again. I want to get better. I want to live too. But this will never happen, seeing as my life never really gets better. It stays low and continues to stay low.
Everything is closing in on me and its getting hard to breathe. I am ALONE. I feel like such a pathetic person when I look at my life from an outside perspective. A depressed kid with absolutely nothing left to live for, who has yet to end it all.
I'm done. I'm done fighting. I'm done trying. I'm done faking.
it will never get better and I will always continue to suffer. This world just isn't meant for me, I can't live up to the expectations of others and I'm a disappointment. I apologize for that by the way, being a disappointment.
Now less of me apologizing and more of me going into depth about the little things that drove me to what I will be doing soon.
1. Lack of care from my mother. I love my momma dearly, but she doesn't take the time to love me back. So I stopped asking for it.
2. Arlo. You abandoned me. I know I make mistakes, but I'm HUMAN and learning. Yet you abandoned me anyways. I won't ever forgive you for that.
3. Max. You assaulted me and spread rumors about me, finding a way for me to get bullied all over again. That is a BIG reason, so thank you.
4. Atlas. You abandoned me after I put my whole soul and body into caring for you and trying to help you through your issues. You are too far gone and brought me so much pain.
5. Highschool. High-school is a nasty place. I've never been treated normally and I never will be. People from my high school, I hope you know how much your words affect others.
6. My cat. He ran away again, and left me all alone. ALL alone. suffering with the pain of having no one.
7. My mental health. My mental health is just gone. I have no will anymore. its over.
8. Mel. I love you sis. I'll always and forever be proud of you.I know since I'll e gone, you'll come to, so I will see you soon sissy.
I don't have many reasons for doing what I am doing, and I guess thats why I'm so selfish in this moment. I'm sorry, but I have to set myself free. I can't handle crying myself to sleep, or taking my own blood anymore. Thank you to sissy for being there for me, I love you dearly, and I'll see you soon. Goodbye.
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jezebelian ☆
i hope im not too late but please dont give up just yet. you have lots to look up to when you get older! you have so many places to go like the beach and really cool museums!! you have different foods that you need to try! life is worth living, you just gotta live through the hard parts. it'll get easier soon, please trust me.