closet

lately it’s been very tense for me at home and school, I always feel like people know I’m queer and I’m always afraid to be alone during lunch breaks, I can’t go anywhere without a weapon on me because I’m scared to get attacked , and i feel so sad, my parents are very unaccepting of my community and realizing I can never have them at my wedding or their support as I grow and transition has taken a toll on me, I cried on my praying mat today asking “god why could I not just be normal?” I love god and I know god loves me because no way god hates me,  I’ve been like this ever since I was a child I just had no words to describe it and didn’t know other people like me existed, I wish I could one day somehow talk about it to my parents and I wish I can do it without being stared down with THAT stare , if you have neglectful parents you probably know what look I mean lol. I just am so paranoid & anxious & so sick physically sick because of it ! I wish the world was kinder to me and my people, religion ethnics culture socials I wish they didn’t all make me feel like a cast out, and i wish I had someone who understands how I feel to comfort me, but none of my friends can understand because they never experienced it first hand like me, I pray to god that my plans will go well and I will be able to have a happy open life when I’m older.