having a weird night (the word aesthetic appears a lot)

first of all this site is making me consider my aesthetic more and tbh i like the idea of not having socials other than this. gonna be hot and unreachable and the only way people get to know me is by getting to know me. this isnt for the purposes of appearing hot for the sake of validation from others btw. self worth aint a problem in my life its just me trying out something new and also social media is stupid and dumb and is not at all what i need rn. 

second of all and the reason for tonights funky brain experience is this short lil story time: i was learning how to customize my spacehey profile (quick moment to interrupt myself, spacehey is not a comfortable word if im being honest and i cant wait for me to become desensitized to it enough that i start to like it at least a bit) which i figured out if you couldnt tell, it might be a lil rough around the edges but its mine and i made it with absolutely no help except for a single youtube video and a couple googles (fuck you google the company) when i got to deciding what the aesthetic of my profile was gonna be i started thinking "what is my aesthetic, im going to allow myself this moment to consider that for a minute and then change what needs to be changed in my life to make that a reality". i decided on the scott pilgrim vibe, much like i did in grade 11, but this time its different in the way that i realize scott and ramona are both not good cool people like i thought they were when my brain was much less developed. instead im thinking about side characters, (this sentence is gonna maybe make sense but it makes sense to me and thats all that matters i dont care what you, the reader, might think about me this blog is me inviting you into my world and i dont need approval or judgement here) i dont have a specific one in mind but i can just feel the "essence" of who i am today as a blur in a scott pilgrim comic, like a side character with no lines who just appears there (obv i have my own life that doesnt revolve around some white boy who plays bass) (side tangent for side character appreciation, they really have their own lives just as fictional and just as fleshed out as the mc and i just love to finish a bit of media and expand the world in my own head with all the little lovelies that exist in the background) but yea im imagining my own image as a scott pilgrim stylization and it totally fits. i have roller skates that i use not as often as i was hoping to but thats just an easily fixed problem of never getting around to it. anyway the aesthetic is coming together and its gonna involve my roller skates and maybe more chains but will ultimately define this next stretch of my life.

oh yea i also lowkey cant wait to move back to toronto. i love this city and i know i really wanted to come back here but at the end of the day toronto is a better city for someone like me to flourish in. even if it is stupid expensive i dont mind cheap. not in the capitalist slave way but working is also kinda part of the aesthetic, along with the fact that money is a real thing :\  i wanna either go back to work at the pool or work in a bar (venue would be great, idk if thats true but we're here for the aesthetic not the logistics rn) or work at a small business (restaurant maybe?) but yea, working is part of the aesthetic. "wheres marsh?" "theyre working rn" "dang theyre so cool and sexy and i wish they were here" (this made me remember a point i wanted to make in paragraph 1, being unreachable and having boundaries are dope as hell. i absolutely do not need to feel bad about ignoring you because i have other things in my life and i like to think ive made friends who understand that as individual separate human beings we do not need to be in contact all the time) fuck social media and its effects on insecurity in friendships

i love yall

marsh out