How to Get Detention by Sam!- Sam Puckett

Hey, it's me Sam. So, as you prolly know, I'm almost always in detention. Why? 'Cuz I deserve it. Yeah, baby! But I gotta say that this week, my teacher Mr. Howard was out of his mind. iGot detention and it was totally UNFAIR. Here's what happened... I was throwing a football in the school hallway when Mr. Howard's big fat head appeared outta NOWHERE. The ball hit him right in the face, and he took a pretty good tumble down the stairs. It was crazy funny -- you shoulda seen it. But it wasn't funny when the dude gave me detention on the night of our 50th Web Show Spectacular -- CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?! Man, I need a cheeseburger. Sorry, my mind wandered. Anyway, I don't think I shoulda got detention for that football thing. HIS face got in the way of MY football. Not my fault. Besides, there's lots worse stuff I could do to get detention. In fact, here's a whole list of worse stuff I could do to get detention. I could... (1) Run around the cafeteria grabbing kids' food and stuffing it down their pants. (2) Set up a booth in the school hallway taking donations for myself. I'll call it the "Sam Needs Ham" drive. Ham rocks!!! (3) Hide in the boys bathroom, wait 'til some dude starts to pee, then SCREAM AT THE TOP OF MY LUNGS. (4) Sneak in Miss Briggs house (again)... go into her shower... and replace her shampoo with Loony Glue. (5) Use tape to put training bras all over Principal Franklin's mini van (cuz there's nothing more embarrassing than driving around in light blue mini van covered with training bras). (6) Pretend like I can't hear anybody and scream everything I have to say for 7 entire days. (7) Go to a chicken farm. Buy 300 pounds of chicken poo. Bring chicken poo to school. Push Gibby into gigantic pile of chicken poo. Then go, "Hey. What happened there, Gibby?" (8) Spray paint Mr. Howard's butt purple. (9) Sneak into the school nurse's office and replace all aspirin with small rocks. (10) Walk to pet store. Buy all animals in pet store. Take pets back to school. Release pets in school hallway. (11) Go to school wearing my bra on the OUTSIDE of my shirt. Ya know what? I think I'm gonna try all these. They sound pretty cool. Sam out.