set of three

i forgot to write something here yesterday. okay well, not really that i forgot, but moreso that i didn't have the energy. is that even a true statement? it may be or it may not be. i'm thinking of moving actual big blog posts onto a dedicated actual blog, even if just for the sake of having a project. probably using zonelets or something, as i don't really have it in me to code an entire usable layout. i know that spacehey has a "diary' setting, but really, is there much point in using it exclusively for things completely private? there's probably some merit to it, i guess, but i find the semi-public nature of this to be interesting. oh, actually, i have some other things i wanted to do, too, so maybe i'll get on those. i need to write a letter.

more pressingly than that, actually, i have to schedule a therapy appointment and look over the millions of forms i need to fill. i finally finished the hellish process that is filing a legal name change petition recently, but i still have to finish the endless follow-up with social security, insurance, etc. on top of that i also need to deal with forms for medical records (again, since they have literally all ignored the ones i already sent them), continuing pursuit of SSI, and now food stamps on top of that. i don't know how anyone lives this way frankly. it feels pathetic to complain about, but it really doesn't feel like i was made for this sort of thing. obviously it's going to feel that way as a disabled person, but it still shocks me when i realize the scope of it. so i haven't been able to really "deal" with it at all. this is what therapy is for, believe it or not, if i didn't have to deal with forgetting everything about it.

trying to differentiate between things that i do and [redacted for privacy reasons] do or feel during the day has been difficult to admit or generally come to terms with and remember lately, so i want to make a list of things that i did yesterday. for the hell of it, and also for like convenience or something.

i woke up at 2 pm again and got lunch as usual. afterwards, i somehow ended up spending a few hours reading posts on anti-psychiatry. i don't really know why, though. i have a lot of feelings on psychiatry used as a tool of capitalism. this section of the day is really blurry to me. anyway, after that i watched satoshi kon's millennium actress with my best friend. it's satoshi kon, so obviously it was great, knocked it out of the part. was really interesting to watch after just finishing perfect blue and paranoia agent. he does a lot of things that are both consistent and yet entirely different and refreshing. media that plays with the sort of back-and-forth of reality and fiction is always my favorite thing. i wish i was better at actually writing out analytical thoughts about it. after that, i don't really know what i did. i talked about stories some, i guess. it all just sort of fades into a mess, and it's 7 am now.

it's a gap of at least around 6 hours. i need to make phone calls instead of writing this out now.

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