woke af

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please read these links i'm posting here.

they are about recent events.

i just wonder how racist i am. there are things drummed into me from way in the past that i don't even realize that i wonder still influence me even though i like to think i'm not racist. so i guess i sound like a pearl clutcher and and clueless.

but... i'm white, born in midwestern usa mid-20th century, had a nice middle class upbringing. was pretty progressive, went to quaker meeting, had socialist parents, i've protested wars, protested for voting rights, and nowadays am involved with unions & anti-sweatshop & social justice work, had homeless people (of various "colors") stay at my house until they could get on their feet again, etc. i have lots of good-liberal brownie points.

and one of my very best friends in the whole world, reggie, was black (here is something i put on the web about him: http://wendymukluk.com/mukluk/reggie-pix.html ... you should know about him. i miss him). we lived together and were close for 30 years until he died. we never talked about race. but i remember he made a few little aside comments about having to suppress some things about blackness when he was with white friends and roommates. i thought he didn't have to suppress things with me, but was that true?

all my life i've had dear friends and roommates who are black, asian, hispanic, native american, and white, and believe i treat them all the same (with love), but i wonder if i do anything racist, would they even point it out? or not, to just not rock the boat and all that.

and recently in the past maybe 10 years, i've found out about a lot of distant cousins i didn't know existed, and a lot of them are black, and they are really nice, interesting, cool people and i'm glad to have been connected with them. but do i sound racist when i tell other friends (whatever "race" or color") that i have all these black relatives? i don't say this person or that person is black, or mention what color an individual i'm talking about is, only a general comment that i've discovered a lot of cousins who are black & isn't that great. should i just not mention that? when i talk about white relatives, i sometimes point out i have a lot of polish/slavic relatives, again not about individuals, just sweeping general comments, since i think it's great i have slavic relatives, too.

so here i am, guilty and unaware and thinking, well, i'll try to do better, and i want/hope that friends/relatives/others will call me out when i fuck up. we all have things we need to sort out and get more enlightened about. how much do we each need to do? i just want the world to be a better place and especially i want people i love to not be hurt.

love,

wendy (pollyanna?)