I realized I typed a little too much, so i'll include a tl;dr

Not too long ago, I had a meeting with my psychiatrist. Personally I am not a fan of tele-psychiatry, but ever since covid, it seems as if that's all my insurance will cover. During our first meeting, he was incredibly nonchalant, to a level I would have never expected from a psychiatrist. I was down with it. At first I had thought that it was cool. The second began to show me otherwise. That trend continued for every following meeting. Every. Following. Meeting. He's not particularly my favorite psychiatrist. Which I think may not be the hardest thing to find out...

Even though my actions may have been made from anything but good judgement, I made the decision to take a hit off the cart beforehand. When I took the hit, I was under the presumption that I had my normal 3pm on wednesday anthropology class. I didnt find out until texting a friend that class was cancelled because I had to take an online midterm. Along with this, I found out that I had a meeting with my psychiatrist scheduled at 3:15, so I ran to my dorm.

So here I was,

high as a kite, in my room, on my bed, struggling to open my computer backwards. It took me a good minute to figure out.

I waited at my computer until around 3:40pm and then I began with my session with the psychiatrist. When his face came up, for little to no reason at all, a little spike of anxiety hit my heart. I am fairly clueless on why but I thought maybe that would add a flare to this story even though it is meaningless.

My reasons for disliking my psychiatrist are very inconsistent. If I were to show a meeting as a demonstration exactly how, today would have been the perfect subject.

talk

I am not a talkative person (ironic considering the length of this post). I don't like to talk, but I find it especially hard to talk when not given something to talk about. This may be for many reasons

• it could be due to me not really growing up talking to people
• it could be some sort of inability to vocalize my thoughts through mouth
• it could be due to some sort of deep rooted of anxiety due to my tendency to go on unhinged rants
• or it could just be me. who knows.

.

Given that there was no prompt, I just began to talk about what I am always willing to talk about: My gerbils

"You know what I want you to talk about'

No, I do not, Scott.

To preface, I have a form of OCD where violent intrusive thoughts are no stranger to me.

"Tell me about the darkness. Tell me all the evil things in your head. Tell me all the horrors that have gone in your head"

Honestly one of the most dramatic sentences from a medical professional. In one pocket I was kind of frustrated due to it feeling as if things I have shared have been heavily misconstrued into some sort of framing of me as an evil person, which i must admit is something I have struggled with for years. on the other hand though...It was lowkey kinda cool hearing that from sort of medical professional.

As the meeting went on, my doctor shifted the conversation of what are the worst horrors I've seen. I share some things I can think of but i'm awfully careful not to share certain things quite yet.

boom. the moment I stop talking he begins explaining the horrors hes been in, in great detail. Guns pointed to his head, knives at him, being in a bombing (all while explaining in detail that women and children were blown into smithereens,

Don't get me wrong, I'm a sucker for conversations like that but I cant lie and say I wasn't incredibly shocked. but yeah. that was cool. the title is lowkey clickbait but I thought it was funny

TL;DR

during our meeting, to my surprise my psychiatrist started explaining in great detail the horrors he's experienced, painting a clear verbal portrait of the deaths and brutalization of young children and adults by a bombing.

] okay deuces