not sure what to do

new to all this but probably just gonna post writing quotes here, so enjoy this: 

'It's the season of joy, but for me, it's only a facade of letting go. Victims guiltily forced to the back of my mind, it's all I can do to focus on the moment. No one has disappeared in weeks and it's an unwritten statement that we do not mourn them this winter. Not so soon, when it's still a fresh wound. I hope we never have to mourn them, but the cemetery in my head has already started to cement. 

The cold does not forget and neither do I. The feeling of being buried next to hard bones haunts me as I walk through the Downtown. School is out for Winter Break and I'm waiting for Silas to get off his shift. It's his last shift before the New Year and he got permission from his dad to stay over tonight. There's a hollowness to my peace today. I had woken up alone from a nightmare, some hulking and faceless figure burying me alive, the only thing I'm able to feel is the scalding cold. 

Love is never protection from your own mind, it can only ever be a reprieve. Yet I don't mind that. It would be insane to expect Silas to protect me from myself, especially when he's already done so much. '