The Heavy is Dead

the Heavy exits a spawn room with a cheerful song. He then he comes up to the camera saying "It is good day to be not dead!" before being shot in the head by the Engineer who says "POW! You are dead!" Heavy goes into a dramatic pose, first briefly holding a book that says, "HOW 2 DIE", then and yelling "I'm dead!" The Engineer then does an evil chuckle at the downed Heavy. The Spy conga dances in as the Engineer throws away the murder weapon quickly to hide the evidence. The Spy then sees the Heavy on the ground and is shocked. He then says "The Heavy is dead!" The somewhat dead Heavy says "Yes, I am dead!" The spy then asks the Engineer why the Heavy is dead. The Engineer responds with an "I dunno." Heavy then tries to tell Spy that the Engineer killed him, but instead they both shushed him and reminded him that he is dead. He then says "OK." And then rag-dolled into the ground.Then the Sniper shows up and was ready to say his entry line before noticing the Heavy is on a hospital bed that came out of nowhere. He asks the Spy and Engineer "What the bloody hell just happened!?" They tell him that the Heavy is dead. A quiz pops up when the Sniper says "The Heavy is dead!?" The spy then points at Sniper and says "Correct!" as the answer box flashes.The Sniper makes a victorious expression after the quiz. The spy then asks the two if they have seen the murderer.They then say no sorry to the Spy. Spy slams his hand on the table and does an epic promise "I will find him, I will capture him, and no one will ever die again!" The other mercenaries, including Tiny from Crash Bandicoot, clap at the end of the epic speech by the Spy.Then the Soldier comes in to notice the Heavy is dead, the Spy then says "We know!" The soldier asks who killed him, Spy responds with "We don't know!"The Soldier then decides to find clues. He then finds the pistol the Engineer used to kill the Heavy. He then tells the group that the weapon is how the Heavy died. They all gasp in shock at the weapon. The Medic then comes in and kills the Soldier with his ambulance truck.He comes out from the back and then moves the other mercenaries out of the way and kisses Heavy on the nose. Heavy then rises up and then explodes into gibs. The Medic gives his medical opinion that the Heavy is dead. Sniper then asks "Doc, what happened?" The Medic then tells them that the Heavy was killed. The three mercs then huddle together as Medic tells them it's nothing to worry about.The Sniper then asks in the Half-Life 2 Citizen voice "Well, now what?" The Scout then clipidy Clops in and tells everyone to look at him and hear him say that the Heavy is dead and asks for their opinion. The spy then tells Scout to go home as Scout's mom is in her car waving at her son to come with her. The Scout goes to the car, annoyed that he had to be sent home. The car then crashes off-screen behind the mercenaries.The spy then tells everyone to get back to the point. Heavy's phantom then pokes at his corpse and tells them that he is dead. They all yell "The Heavy is dead!?" Then the Medic notices the wrecked car behind him and runs up to heal Scout, but dies upon impact with an explosion.Heavy then gets annoyed and asks who killed him. Then the Demoman appears drinking out of his bottle and burping, saying that he killed the Heavy, he then shoots the Sniper and says that it was a joke. The other mercs laughed shortly as the Demoman points at the Engineer saying that he killed the Heavy, Engineer was shocked and asked how he knew. Demoman responds saying "I didn't, that was a joke too."As he was burping along. Demoman then dies from alcohol poisoning, and the Engineer lets out an evil laugh and admits that he is the one who killed the Heavy. The Spy calls him a monster and Heavy asks why. The Engineer insults him by calling him fat and other insults as they are arguing. Spy looks right and left at them and then looks at the camera and shrugs with the text "Its Tradition."Then the Heavy yells at the Engineer and the Engineer tell him to f**k off with the middle finger. He says to Heavy that he is dead, but the Heavy says "No, YOU!" and uses the Showdown taunt to shoot the Engineer's head off. Heavy then says his famous you are dead, not a big surprise line. Spy walks off as he witnessed an idiotic event and then hangs himself. The Heavy then takes a moment to be satisfied that he is alive, before agreeing with the Spy's sentiment that the whole thing is stupid.