Report Blog Entry
the next part of your life will require you to be mindful of self-sabotage. you have always been deserving of an abundant life. you have always been enough. when opportunities cross your path and you're hesitant on accepting them, remember that you have always been qualified. it's time to let go of the stories of yourself that was told by those who didn't want to see you succeed. you have always been worthy. to be successful, you must allow yourself to have it.
i've lived through a lot of hurt and it led me to question the next person to offer me love and care; i doubted and wondered what their true intentions were filling me with endless worries. i never felt unworthy of love but when presented the opportunity to let someone in my sacred space, my heart, i was quick to question their motives. this seems normal and instinctive after being wronged by so many or by that one person that i thought would be my forever. my innocence was shattered and taken away from me and i fell into this void where i thought true love was non-existent and that love was merely chemical. this comes from a person who considers themselves spiritual and sought to find the meaning behind every little thing.
i now realize what people mean when they say "bad things need to happen in order to appreciate the good." i also learned that being hesitant to leave a bad situation and coming up with excuses to stay is a form of self-sabotage; it is unloving towards the self. it's very hard to detach from that reality and from a person. forgetting that where you first went wrong was to attach your emotions to a person anyway. true love comes within; and when you are gratuitous towards the self every day and before anyone or anything else, everything will follow accordingly.
i grew up with parents that taught me that this mindset of self love is egotistical and selfish. how wrong it is to put your feelings before others. and because grownups are always right, i really believed this until my 20's. even when i would think "no i deserve this" the voice in my head will make me believe otherwise. the truth is, you deserve the world and much more. because you are everything and nothing all at once.
i recently met a lovely person whom has their own traumas, triggers and doubts. this person entered my life and i started feeling these emotions that were all too familiar. similar to the feelings i felt with the last person i intimately let into my life before they shattered the innocence i had towards love. naturally, i grew scared of letting them in, giving my heart too fast. i hesitated before hesitating. then it hit me... this person doesn't deserve my traumas or my doubts; i don't know this person and i'm rejecting them before even getting to know them. i'm rejecting a chance at true connection with another human out fear. this is where i, for the first time, did not allow fear to take away my right to let someone in. i couldn't keep letting fear take away the good things that were coming my way. for the first time i was allowing myself to be "selfish."
3 years ago i felt like i was dying from heartbreak. someone i thought was my everything betrayed me and i swore the heartache would destroy me. today i can't believe i had such thoughts. today my brain is occupied with entirely new thoughts, a new mindset, a new way of approaching situations. i never thought back then that i was ever one to tell myself "i'm proud of you" but today i can. today i allow every good thing into my life; i don't shy away from life's compliments anymore. i speak positive affirmations to myself, out to the world and even towards other people; even people i don't know. because love is everything and love is in everything.
you may not end up where you thought you were going, but you will always end up where you were meant to be; what matters most is how well you walk through the fire.
Comments
Displaying 0 of 0 comments ( View all | Add Comment )