baddecisions

hello everybody i have never done this before. my name is ali, i'm 19 and i tend to make awful decisions, but lately ive been making a lot less bad decisions. at least i have been attempting to and ive succeeded for the most part. ill never understand exactly why im always so drawn to constantly putting myself in bad situations and doing the opposite of what im told to. am i just looking for attention? am i trying to prove something to myself and the people around me? i have no idea. however i do wish that these people would just ATTEMPT to understand the way this brain is wired and look at the bad decisions i haven't made but was so unbelievably tempted to. i wish it wasn't so hard for me dude. i really have been working on it tho i promise but i don't think other people recognize how much of a struggle it is. i don't need every single person in my life to pat me on the back and say "good job for not running off and doing drugs with dangerous people", but i just want them to believe that i am trying to be better. i really do WANT to be better. but it takes time and patience and at least a little support. oh well though what can ya do? thanks for listening to this bullshit lmao idk if anyone will ever read this but you're a real one