Heartbreak </3

(Warning, I wrote this at 3am in the middle of a massive depressive episode. If u wanna read a depressing essay then read on, but I wouldn’t waste my time if I were u <3) 

The worst feeling is falling in love, asking the person out, them saying yes, but soon after saying they’re not sure anymore. Was it my fault? I did something didn’t I.. 

No matter what humans always find ways to blame themselves for things they had nothing to do with. Think Andrew Glauberman and his weird wanking ritual he thought killed his grandad. Not the best example I’m aware, but it is what it is. 

No matter how many times you’re told ‘it’s not your fault’ ‘I’m just not in the right mental state for this’ ‘I just need to focus on myself’ ‘I’m still healing from a past breakup’ you will always blame yourself. Or is that just me? I’m sure there are people out there that would believe what the other person said and support them through their hard times, and others who’s get defensive and put the other person in an overly negative light. But I blame myself. I’m the problem. 

I wish soulmates were given. Instead of having to find your own soulmate and fall in love slowly they were just assigned. You always knew who they were and you always loved them and only them. I doubt whatever freaky-deaky bull crap out in the universe controls all that is sat reading my 3am mental breakdown MySpace blog but if they somehow are then, um, maybe do that. Save people the heartbreak. 

Heartbreak is weird. It’s almost like grief in a lot of ways. Everyone copes differently because no two people are the same, nor have they experienced the same relationship. I don’t cope. I can’t cope. At least not in a healthy way. 

Treasure the relationships y’all have, they always seem to end when u least expect them to. 

Love Marsy </3