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idk just emotional rambling i jotted down ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ its not good so dont expect anything xD
filled with lots of spelling and grammar mistakes from yours truly xoxo
___________________
red head chick
she sits diagonally behind me
but she'll always be above me
im last and low
and yet i dont strive to be seen as high in her eyes
i know ill never be standard so why try
if she was a worm id smush her
fuck bugs bro
fuck you bro
maybe i never loved you
just the thought of you
maybe i wanted to be you
maybe i wanted to destroy you
well never know
until i can tell the difference between platonic
and romantic
well never get along
leave my text delivered
dont respond the next day
ill ghost you for a year and pop back up just to be the sight in your review mirror
ill always be in the back of your head but never in your bed
we arent meant to be together
the girl with long dark brown hair
brown eyes
caramel girl
shes kind and degrading to me
i love it
she see the things i hate about my self
she doesnt sugar coat my insecurities
she excepts them and jokes with me
you had to always be kind and never say a bad thing
thats all i am is a bad thing
so why did you want to be with me
ill never be what you wanted
maybe you wanted to be me
maybe you wanted to destroy me
you are always in my review mirror but never by my side though
youll always be above me
holier than thou
dont try to pull me on your high horse
i know im a peasant in the mud
dont need to wash my hands or wipe my feet
instead sit in the filth with me and
sulk while we cause damaged to the rich
poetry
never my strong suit
what even is this
just caffeine drunken rambling
just jot down these words like you jotted down those texts
oh good morning
oh good night
just shut it already and leave the knife
maybe its the trust issues talking or maybe its the fingerprints indented in the handle
maybe its the perspective
maybe its the trauma
you say were all broken
but you havent even seen my medicine cabinet
find the blades
bandages
peroxide
and
prozac
lets compete
ill win the race
race me to the school from the bus
chicken out know my trauma will go further
lets dump it all on you at once and break your back to carry my baggage
you and your high horse
thinking you can fix everyone
thinking everyone is important
lets break you neck and kick you some and see how much you still believe you can fix
_________________
rush to finish lunch
dont let her get sick
protect her with your heart and fists
her fists are clean an unscathed
i painted her nails
glitter polish
sparkling eyes
gorgeous smile
your hand on my thigh feels right
your eyes looking into mine makes me feel fine
we laugh and giggle talking about your delivery
ill be your mail man
ill bring you anything you want
ill be late to class for you
ill lay my intestine on the flooring for you
show me your pottery show me your art
because anything you do is beautiful
just hold my hand and ill hold yours
yours feels comfortable
im not squirmish and uncomfortable are you?
like i was with red head chick
i couldnt even call her without being nauseous with "butterflies"
with you i feel alive and nice
your able to say whats on your mind and dont hold back
you acknowledge my problems and joke about them with me
instead of sugar coating the rosie world of ignorance red head chick lives in
ill walk you to your bus
your house
your class
the vending machine
anything for you
ill follow you
like a lost dog
just let me stay by your side
just let me protect you and watch out for you
let me be there for you through everything
lets speed run this relationship
lets get married
ill take your hand and youll take mine
youll do my nails and makeup
____________________________________
ill bring you breakfast
ill bring you flowers
ill bring you hoodies
ill bring you everything
let me be your mail man
let me be the delivery boy who brings everything to you
ill get you anything
ill do anything
just let me stay with you
lets stay happy and fun
lets be high school sweet hearts
lets be the bad eggs of the class
lets burn down the school
lets run with our hands held tight
lets run to the vending machine to class
lets be together
be together
forever
high school sweet hearts
lets do this
ill walk you to your class
and well walk together down the aisle
gorgeous nails and beautiful smiles
hands held tight
___________________________
you havent responded inn weeks
days
months
years
do i even know you anymore or are you just an empty voice
i know youre there
you just chose not to be
you know id do anything for you
you know im always here for you
ive hidden trauma and bad events for you
that way you didnt have to be sad for me
im sick of it
this isnt a friendship
what is this
maybe we should stop talking
i cant do this anymore
i cant be talking to a brick wall all the time
you shut off and go extinct
youre not even you anymore
im not even me anymore
maybe weve grown to far apart
we didnt grown together
our traumas are intertwined
but our fates arent
lets skip this part
lets block each other
no more goodbyes
forget me
forget the texts
forget the names
forget the friends
this never happened
i was never a classmate
a crush
a friend
an enemy
we are nothing
for i have never met you
whats your name again?
never mind that can i just have my coffee
thanks
as i walk to my car and drive off
i dont think of you
your not even apart of my mind
i go to my job and go home to my wife
you never happened
it wasnt a dream
it wasnt reality
it never happened
your not real
were not real
this inst a relationship
this isnt a friendship
this isnt anything
you dont mean anything to me
we arent ever going to be anything
i dont want to know you anymore
skip to the good part
as we are both under the ground
neither of us will think of each other
as we lie unbound
we will have no thoughts
the way it should be
the way it is
for this is just a memory
a past time
a present time
a future time who knows
we are stuck in a loop
i need to stop this loop
so goodbye
lets never speak again.
______________________|
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